There are several views on the etymology of the word “Melayu” or Malay. Some say it originates from the root word “Malaju” (laju) which means fast and swift. It can thus be interpreted that the Malays are fast, swift and energetic in their movements.

A.H Keane, an anthropologist, had thought that the Malay ethnicity originates from the Caucausians and the Mongolians. This view is based on the theory to say that the Malays came from the north of South East Asia. Seen from the wider social and cultural aspects therefore, “Malay” ethnic group covers those in the Peninsular Malaysia and the Malay Archipelagoes. This means that the Malays diaspora cover a large part of the world.

Visiting Custom

Below are a few guidelines on Malay customs when visiting:

• Muslim visitors will greet the occupants of the house by address politely, “Assalamualaikum”.
• Visitors must take off their shoes before entering a Malay person’s house.
• If at that time another guest is present, the visitor must introduce himself and bow slightly as a gesture of respect when shaking his hands.
• When walking in front of a group of people the visitor must bow his head slightly and hold out one hand. The appropriate words to say would be “Excuse me, I am passing.”
• It is the custom for Malay homes, traditionally, to sit “bersila” that is, for a man, to cross his legs while the ladies will tuck their feet under them to one side. It is considered impolite when stting on a chair, to cross your legs showing the soles of the feet, to straighten your legs, or to sit with legs wide apart.
• When the host serves food, it is not polite to refuse. You must taste some even if too full.
• Young girls should serve rice onto the plates of the elders. Serving should not be too much or too little but appropriate. The elders must take the food first before the younger as it is rude for the elders to eat the food left over by those younger than them. Some would make the younger people eat separately from those older than them or allow the elders to eat first. However, this practice is not suitable for fostering harmony and strengthening family bond.
• It is best to take the nearest dish and not reach for a dish that is far. To get a dish that is far from you, help should be asked from others.
• When giving out or receiving dish, the elbow or wrist should be held lightly with the other hand. When serving gravy or rice, use the left hand so that the right hand (used to eat) would not soil the spoon. Loud sounds made when serving are considered impolite. Do not talk while eating and especially not with your mouth full.
• When speaking, please ensure that you do not speak of unpleasant matters which can disrupt one’s appetite or cause friction.
• Do not make sounds while eating such as slurping, chewing loudly, snorting or spitting.
• Do not eat to the point of burping; eat in moderate amount or to stave off hunger.
• If you finish first, never leave the table and take your plate away, it is best to wait and ensure that everyone finishes before you get up.
• You must ensure that everyone has finished eating before clearing the eating area. It is not polite to start cleaning when people are still eating, and can appear as if you wish for the person to stop eating or stop him from enjoying the other dishes.
• Do not visit during mealtimes or during sunset. This disturbs the hosts as there may only be enough portions for his own family. The Maghrib (Sunset) prayer is also the shortest praying time and your visit may cause the host to feel uncomfortable as he needs to leave you to pray. It is therefore better for you to visit after Isya’ prayers (after 8.00 pm), and better still if a gift is brought such as fruits, as a sign of courtesy.
• Guests who smoke are not to discard their ashes in plates or any other dishes even if the dishes contained waste food.
• To call the hosts, greet or give “salam” and shake hands. It is extremely rude to call “Oi…”. If alone, do not enter or better yet, leave, if the man of the house is absent or the lady of the house is alone.
• If the elders are sitting on the floor, younger folks cannot sit on the chair and must sit together on the floor.
• Heads must be bowed. No matter how close you are, never hit, smack, point at someone’s head as this is considered very rude.
• When yawning, cover your mouth with the back of your hand. The young are forbidden to interrupt the conversation of the elders unless asked or invited to do so. It is best for the younger people to offer their hands first to the elders. Bow your body slightly and kiss the back of the elder’s hand.
• Do not use your index finger to point. Four fingers must be closed and use your thumb to point. Use the right hand.
• For men, do not sit until one can see the sole of your feet, especially in front of the elders.
• Use a tray when serving food and drinks. Do not bring cups/plates on their own. Hold it to the guest until taken.
• Ladies are not allowed to laugh loudly and attract others’ attention. It is better to control one’s self no matter how funny something is.
• Do not whistle especially in the house as this is rude and not respectful to others.
• Speak in a moderately low tone when talking especially the younger generation. Do not raise your voice as if you are yelling.
• If you wish to speak to someone far from you, approach him and do not scream from one point to another.
• A wife should preferably wake and sleep earlier than the husband. It is polite to sleep facing the husband instead of with your back to him.